Member-only story
Liberation Day: How to Lose Money and Alienate Economies
April 2, 2025, shall forever be remembered as “Liberation Day” — a grandiose name that evokes images of heroic victories and triumphant parades. But instead of ticker tape and national unity, we got stock market nosedives, automotive execs crying into their quarterly reports, and the average citizen wondering if their grocery bill just became a mortgage payment.
Not a member? Read this article here.
The Birth of a Financial Catastrophe
In what will surely be remembered as one of the boldest economic gambits of modern history (or at least the boldest since the last one), President Trump’s new tariffs have officially taken effect. Imported goods now face sky-high levies, which is fantastic news if you enjoy paying significantly more for the same stuff you bought last week. The stock market, ever the drama queen, responded by promptly collapsing like a fainting goat.
Auto giants like General Motors and Ford, who manufacture many of their vehicles overseas, have found themselves staring into the abyss of a 25% tariff hike. For context, that’s the financial equivalent of realizing you left your stove on — except the stove is the global economy, and no one knows how to turn it off.
The Stock Market: Now in Freefall Mode
The S&P 500 has already dropped 5% this year, a modest number unless you happen to have money invested in literally anything. Analysts are whispering the dreaded word “stagflation,” which is the economic equivalent of “we might be screwed.” Some optimists believe this will blow over, while others are busy stockpiling canned beans and bottled water for the impending doom.
Wall Street, naturally, responded with its usual mix of frantic yelling and extremely confident hand-waving. CNBC analysts took turns explaining why this is either the best or worst time to invest, depending on which hedge fund they secretly work for.
What This Means for You, The Regular Human
If you enjoy cheap electronics, affordable vehicles, or food that doesn’t cost half your paycheck, you might want to reconsider your life choices. Everyday consumers will bear the…
